5 potholes in Mumbai that you MUST experience before you die! #3 will blow your car's suspension!
The monsoon season is here and with the much-awaited rains, Bombay is also eagerly looking forward to the potholes these rains cause. We have compiled a list of Bombay’s 5 best potholes and why you should check them out! They come in all shapes and sizes and we haven’t discriminated at all!
1. Nandini
Source: Firstpost
A mother of two little potholes, Nandini ensures that she takes time out of her daily 9-5 job to be there during the rush hour to get you late for office. When asked what makes her find the time to do this, she says, “I was brought into this world because of corporators who chose to use faulty material to build roads. The least I can do is give back to this city. Today, I cause traffic on a small bridge. Who knows maybe tomorrow my children will create traffic on the Sea Link?”
2. Subhash
Source: DNA India
Subhash isn’t originally from here. He came from a small town with big hopes and ambitions. He started off his journey by being a small pothole at an abandoned street but soon gained recognition after he managed to single-handedly destroy a 200cc bike. “When I first destroyed that bike, I was scared. What if it was a minor bump? I don’t want to be a small pothole that sleazy guys use to get girls to hold them tighter. However, by God’s grace, that bike never saw daylight again. Since that day, I have never looked back.” A pothole on the Western Express Highway, Subhash hopes that one day he’ll be a big enough pothole to be on the National Express Highway.
3. Matthew
Source: DNA India
Matthew is your quintessential spoilt pothole. Being brought up in a family of potholes that lived on the streets of Bandra West, Matthew continuously discriminates against its Borivali – Virar peers. He only is a pothole outside Bollywood celebrities’ houses and wishes to pursue a career in rock music. Having wanted to shift to the US years ago, Matthew's fate was sealed with this city after he found out that there’s no scope for potholes in most first world countries. He strongly believes that the popular pothole parody song by RJ Malishka was inspired by him. His favourite actors are Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks and Kader Khan.
4. Arbaaz
Source: Local Press Co
Perhaps Arbaaz is the most ambitious of them all. He believes that the industry is rigged and all the other potholes on the Express Highways are sell outs and only care about wrecking vehicles and causing delay. Having majored in Pothole Philosophy from Mumbai University (which is a university version of a pothole), He believes that one’s true purpose in life is when they delay an entire civilization. Hence, he wishes to be big enough to either become a meteorite crater or a nuclear blast crater at best.
5. Shilpa
Source: India Today
Shilpa wishes to be a part of Bollywood. She wants to be the pothole that sparks love between two strangers when the girl trips on Shilpa and falls, and the guy saves her in time. When asked what her biggest challenge is in pursuing this career, “These damned feminists,” she told us, “Nowadays actresses don’t want to be the damsel in distress and that is harmful for my business. Today they don’t want to be saved, tomorrow they will be independent enough to star in their own movies without the support of a male lead. If this continues then I’ll have to get married and settle down with a wealthy pothole businessman which I don’t look forward to at least for the next 10-15 years.” Shilpa also runs an NGO that harvests rainwater for thirsty street animals.
Follow me on Twitter: @ChrisBaretto
1. Nandini
Source: Firstpost
A mother of two little potholes, Nandini ensures that she takes time out of her daily 9-5 job to be there during the rush hour to get you late for office. When asked what makes her find the time to do this, she says, “I was brought into this world because of corporators who chose to use faulty material to build roads. The least I can do is give back to this city. Today, I cause traffic on a small bridge. Who knows maybe tomorrow my children will create traffic on the Sea Link?”
2. Subhash
Source: DNA India
Subhash isn’t originally from here. He came from a small town with big hopes and ambitions. He started off his journey by being a small pothole at an abandoned street but soon gained recognition after he managed to single-handedly destroy a 200cc bike. “When I first destroyed that bike, I was scared. What if it was a minor bump? I don’t want to be a small pothole that sleazy guys use to get girls to hold them tighter. However, by God’s grace, that bike never saw daylight again. Since that day, I have never looked back.” A pothole on the Western Express Highway, Subhash hopes that one day he’ll be a big enough pothole to be on the National Express Highway.
3. Matthew
Source: DNA India
Matthew is your quintessential spoilt pothole. Being brought up in a family of potholes that lived on the streets of Bandra West, Matthew continuously discriminates against its Borivali – Virar peers. He only is a pothole outside Bollywood celebrities’ houses and wishes to pursue a career in rock music. Having wanted to shift to the US years ago, Matthew's fate was sealed with this city after he found out that there’s no scope for potholes in most first world countries. He strongly believes that the popular pothole parody song by RJ Malishka was inspired by him. His favourite actors are Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks and Kader Khan.
4. Arbaaz
Source: Local Press Co
Perhaps Arbaaz is the most ambitious of them all. He believes that the industry is rigged and all the other potholes on the Express Highways are sell outs and only care about wrecking vehicles and causing delay. Having majored in Pothole Philosophy from Mumbai University (which is a university version of a pothole), He believes that one’s true purpose in life is when they delay an entire civilization. Hence, he wishes to be big enough to either become a meteorite crater or a nuclear blast crater at best.
5. Shilpa
Source: India Today
Shilpa wishes to be a part of Bollywood. She wants to be the pothole that sparks love between two strangers when the girl trips on Shilpa and falls, and the guy saves her in time. When asked what her biggest challenge is in pursuing this career, “These damned feminists,” she told us, “Nowadays actresses don’t want to be the damsel in distress and that is harmful for my business. Today they don’t want to be saved, tomorrow they will be independent enough to star in their own movies without the support of a male lead. If this continues then I’ll have to get married and settle down with a wealthy pothole businessman which I don’t look forward to at least for the next 10-15 years.” Shilpa also runs an NGO that harvests rainwater for thirsty street animals.
Follow me on Twitter: @ChrisBaretto
hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Please do share it on Twitter and Facebook! :)
DeleteHi Chris. Amazingly presented. I also suggest w
DeleteLet's allocate to name of politician / rulling corporator as per pot holes location
Falling off my chair. This is hilarious AF!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Please do share it on Twitter and Facebook! :)
DeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteI love how creative this idea is!! Top notch article.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Lipi. :)
DeleteIt is ridiculous when we all notice such blunders made by local authorities. The worse thing is that we all have to go through it every year. Thanks drawing our attention towards this issue again.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it. Thank you so much.
DeleteBohot mast!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Delete
ReplyDeleteHaahhahhaahhah,,, what Sattire! This is so damn fresh (considering that monsoons are just about settling away) I was giggling all the way from the title to the last word! Great Job!
Have shared it on Facebook!
Thank you so much! :)
DeleteHahaha good one actually... Someone from the govt side should read this..
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks a lot buddy. I hope not. Don't want to go to jail. :P
DeleteReally hilarious! But on a serious note, TOI should adopt this idea and hold the best 5 pot holes contest every year in August, invite entries from Citizen Journalist and award prizes to the Municipal Corporators in charge and give wide publicity to the same !! That may at least shame them in to acting fast....
ReplyDeleteGet rid of the party ruling the Corporation in the next election to have better roads and yes Public LAND.
ReplyDeleteHahahah way to go, Burrito.
ReplyDeleteLove thisssss. Can't wait to see you perform live sometime x
Thank youuuuu. Please share it. :D
DeleteNow that's a good content.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteAwesome creativity.... Who could think of potholes the way u described them... Too good... I wish someday we are a country of no potholes.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sattire! Haven’t read such article in long time. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBMC ne paal poske bada kiya hai in sabko. Mazaak mat udao.
ReplyDeleteHaha...keep it up...can you also share this with bc on Twitter...what a burn it will be for them..kudos to you
ReplyDeleteBmc**
ReplyDeleteGood going. ����
ReplyDeleteI suggest, please give them the names of famous political leaders who makes fake promises.
Great
ReplyDeletePls mentioned location of this if this potholes exists in Mumbai
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious!!! 😂😂
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing on the internet in the recent few days!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Please do share it!
DeleteLet me finish laughing ... Then I will comment!
ReplyDeleteaxtually people should make bee line with their vehicles as if going to view these memorable spots
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome . God gift to write with wit n hit
ReplyDeletehahahah..,. sad and howlarious....
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant.
ReplyDeleteOr rather '5 potholes you must experience to die'
ReplyDeleteHi, excellent thought. But I am not sure if there is any difference between pictures , they all look quite similar to me. Or may be I am a moron. Will share it :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you are pot-racist too.
DeleteThis Is The Only Time Potholes Made Me Happy About Being Here 😂
ReplyDeleteHilarious 👌
Awesome.... ��
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea
ReplyDeleteFull power brother! Loved it. Now imma check out rest of your work.
ReplyDeleteShare it on "Mann ki baat" :)
ReplyDeleteBuilding bullet trains but no change to the basic infrastructure of any city - it's roads. What a shame!!
DeleteIndia's financial capital OR the World's pothole capital :)
ReplyDelete@ChrisBaretto.....Take a bow!
ReplyDeleteLoved the description with there names n there ideology...
ReplyDeleteAre Nominations still open? I wanna nominate a pothole #Dagdu in Navi Mumbai near Vashi. This one is on rampant.
ReplyDeleteHilarious and creativity at its best. .
ReplyDeleteAm so so so sad that my veera desai pothole did not figure on this list. All those years of traffic jams and nuisance down the drain.
ReplyDeleteVeera Desai pothole deserves to be in the hall of fame. It is something that your grandchildren will tell their grandchildren in years to come because I am sure that no one is going to fix the potholes on that entire stretch.
DeleteYe to kuchh bhi nehi. Aao kabhi Kolkata me.
ReplyDeleteThis is insanely hilarious af. The script itself has multi layers from the back story of every potholes to the diversity in their names. You have a bright future in writing buddy.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant stuff mate.
ReplyDeletePlease write something about Airoli MIDC craters in front of so many IT PARKS .. in front of IT giants like Capgemini/iGate and mindspace... it gives us feeling like Disney rides (if you happen to survive it without seatbelts)...
ReplyDelete